Why pronouns matter in the workplace

Being misgendered at work—even if unintentionally done—can make trans colleagues quickly feel unwelcome in the workplace.

Using non-gendered language as a default (for example, the singular ‘they’ rather than the phrase ‘he’ or ‘she’) can be a good way to avoid mistakes.

Other examples to avoid are greeting or referring to a group of colleagues in a gendered way, for example, saying ‘guys’ or ‘ladies’, and using descriptions ending in ‘man’ rather than a gender neutral alternative, for example, using ‘chairman’ instead of ‘chair’.

As a side note, gendered pronouns (while particularly pertinent to those who are frequently misgendered or have their gender questioned) have a much wider impact than on just the trans community.

A wider impact

For instance, I still get many letters addressed to “Dear Sirs” and communications referring to an applicant for the patent application as ‘he’, and I’ve spoken to many of my colleagues who are women who find these default assumptions to be irritating at best—and isolating at worst.

When such examples occur, they are clear indicators that inclusivity has not quite caught up with diversity goals in the workplace—and further contribute to a non-inclusive environment.

However, I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s wrong to assume someone's gender pronouns just by looking at them; rather, if you do assume someone’s pronouns you may be wrong.

Everyone is inclined to make assumptions of that nature, and it’s not something to feel guilty about because (at least at present) that’s the default expectation. It’s how you react when you’re not sure—or when you get it wrong—that determines the inclusivity of the workplace.

Apologise and move forward

If you find yourself making a mistake, the best way to address this is to make a brief and discreet apology, correct your pronoun usage, and move forward.

But failing to address the mistake at all just results in the person in question being misgendered (and, in turn, results in a non-inclusive environment). Conversely, over-apologising and/or drawing attention to the misgendering might make the person you misgendered feel uncomfortable or even responsible for your feelings of embarrassment or guilt.

If you realise your mistake after the fact, it can also be helpful to reach out in private and acknowledge it and apologise.

Mistakenly misgendering trans people (unfortunately) happens often, especially by those dealing with transition-related topics for the first time.

Ultimately, it’s the reaction to the mistake that defines whether an environment is inclusive far more than everyone getting it right every time—which at present is unrealistic, and I don’t think many if any trans people expect this either.

I would also say that the idea that explicitly asking for someone’s pronouns creates an inclusive environment is not wholly correct: if there is a single trans person present and suddenly everyone becomes fixated on pronouns, it can be deeply uncomfortable for them. Indeed they can become the focus of unwanted attention (especially if their trans identity is something they find sensitive).

Be considerate and appropriate

Further, some people might be unsure of their pronouns or they may not be ready to come out at work, and forcing them to say their pronouns by asking outright makes them choose between telling people to misgender them or coming out before they are ready.

Instead, I’d suggest that if you are not sure about someone’s pronouns the best first step is to see if they have already provided their pronouns publicly (for example, in their email signature, on an internal directory, or on LinkedIn). If so, it is safe to assume that these are the pronouns they wish to be used.

If not, and you are still uncertain about what  to do, then consider using the singular ‘they’ or asking them directly and privately, if you feel that would be appropriate.

Also, sharing your own pronouns voluntarily without asking or expecting others to share their own, eg, at the start of meetings or interviews, on LinkedIn and email signatures, etc, is an excellent way to indicate that you will respect the pronouns of others without unwittingly putting anyone in an uncomfortable position.

However, it’s important to do that every time and not just when you’re trying to bait someone’s pronouns out of them, otherwise they may feel singled out—and it can be extremely obvious when everyone is sharing their pronouns solely because you’re present.

Ari Rollason is a trainee patent attorney at law firm HLK, and he is a member of IP Out, IP Inclusive’s membership group for the LGBTQ+ community.